by Amal Al-Yarisi, Yemen Times, November 26, 2013

The institution of marriage has gone through radical transformations since our ancestors gave up their nomadic wanderings and adopted an agricultural-based lifestyle. What has historically been an economic arrangement and a way to merge properties and tribes in Yemen is increasingly becoming a love arrangement.

Though arranged marriages remain the norm, Yemeni women are proving how far they are willing to go to be with the ones they love, including turning the tradition of a dowry on its head. As more women marry the men they love, they are contributing to wedding costs, a phenomenon unheard of in Yemen until recently.

A year ago, Sabah Al-Khalidi and her then fiancé, Saeed Ali, began furnishing a three-room apartment in the Al-Safia district of Sana’a. The burden was solely Ali’s, but Al-Khalidi, a private school teacher, ended up contributing the majority of their home furnishings.

In Yemen, marriage costs, including the wedding ceremony, the couple’s future home and new clothes and gifts for the bride, are traditionally paid for by the groom and his family.

According to Ahmed Al-Ghazan, a social researcher at the Sana’a Social Studies Center, dowries in Yemen generally range from YR200,000 ($930) to YR2 million ($9,300), barring the extremely poor, extremely wealthy Yemenis paying higher dowry prices for women who hold citizenship from Western countries.
“Marriage costs have become exorbitant,” Al-Khalidi said. “If I did not help my husband with the cost, I would not be married now.”

After Al-Khalidi and Ali became engaged, Al-Khalidi’s family asked Ali for a YR800,000 ($3,700) dowry. This did not include the furniture for the home that Ali was expected to finance.

“I could only cover my daily expenses while working in my mobile phone shop,” Ali said.

So Al-Khalidi, convinced Ali was the man she wanted to marry, knew she had no choice but to help her fiancé if they were to build their life together.

She began saving her money and before their official wedding she had purchased a bed, a refrigerator and a washing machine for their home.

“I believe married life should be built on cooperation,” she said.

While Al-Khalidi said the economic role she played in her engagement was not “shameful,” her family and friends were not happy about it. But, Al-Khalidi shrugged the social pressure off.

“It was me who got married, not my family. It is enough that I am happy about my marriage,” she said.

While there are no statistics available on how many women are contributing to their dowries, many young persons are reporting it is a slow growing trend.

This is partly chalked up to economic circumstances. According to the World Bank’s most recent estimates, youth unemployment hovers at 60 percent and Yemenis are known to marry young, often in their late teens or early 20s—earlier in rural areas. The Working Women’s National Committee, part of the Ministry of Social Affairs and Labor, estimates that 25 percent of Yemeni women work outside the home.

Muna Ali Salam, a private sector employee, receives a monthly salary of YR100,000 ($500). She married two years ago, after assisting her now-husband with some of their wedding expenses.

“I gave my husband YR400,000 ($2,000) in order to help him buy me gold without the knowledge of my family,” Salam said. “If a woman loves a man, she does whatever she can to be with him. The woman should help the man if he appreciates her help.”

Salam still contributes to household expenses, and says she continues to do so because her husband appreciates it.

A student at Sana’a University studying commerce, Ezat Mahmoud, would like to see marriage norms transform into more equitable economic obligations.

“In such tough economic circumstances and due to a lack of work opportunities, young men can’t meet dowry [costs],” Mahmoud said. He says he looks forward to marrying a woman who is employed and will help him share the burden of funding a wedding.

The institution of marriage and the traditions that come along with it vary from place to place. In Egypt, women are typically expected to contribute to marriage costs and in India women traditionally offer the dowry to men. While things may be slowly changing in some parts of Yemen, rural areas tend to be less receptive to changing traditions than urban hubs like Aden and Sana’a.

But even women who are gainfully employed are not jumping to abandon tradition.

“I make more than YR80,000 [$375 a month], but I don’t want to contribute to any of my marriage expenses,” said Yasmin Ali, a 25-year-old private company employee. She has been engaged for three years and is still waiting for her fiancé to come up with her dowry costs.

She believes that if her fiancé does not pay the full amount it sets a bad precedent.

“He may [then] fall short of providing in the future,” she said. “I prefer to purchase jewelry with the salary I receive and save it for rainy days.”