Category Archives: Humor and Satire

The 8th Voyage of Sindbad: #4

Humor and Satire, Literature, Travel


Sinbad the Sailor by Nadir Quinto (1918-1994), an Italian artist, born in Milan

The Eighth Voyage of Sindbad
bu Mahmoud Abdelaziz

[Webshaykh’s Note: This last semester I taught an Honors Seminar on the Arabian Nights. The last assignment asked students to write the 8th voyage of Sindbad, drawing on what happened in earlier voyages. I will post several of these here for your enjoyment. This is the fourth one I am publishing by Mahmoud Abdelaziz. The third is by Peter Otis. The second is by Marissa Priest. For the first by Taryn Teurfs, click here.]

{Sindbad the Porter said to Sindbad the Sailor, “For God’s sake, pardon me the wrong I did you,” and they continued to enjoy their fellowship and friendship, in all cheer and joy, until there came to them death, the destroyer of delights, sunderer of companies, wrecker of palaces, and builder of tombs (The Seventh Voyage of Sindbad)}.

Angels with black faces descended from the heavens carrying rough haircloth and sat around Sindbad the Sailor in throngs stretching as far as the eye can see. Sindbad’s entire body was paralyzed with fear, including his vocal cords, which he could not get to vibrate in the least in order to make even the slightest utterance. Then the Angel of Death came and sat at his head and said, “Foul soul, come out to the wrath and anger of Allah!” Then his soul divided up in his body and it was dragged out like a skewer is pulled out of wet wool. Sindbad screeched in torment from the excruciating pain of his soul’s inertial desire to remain in his body clinging to this world. Then the Angel took hold of it. When he had grasped it, the other angels did not leave it in his hand even for the twinkling of an eye. They took it and wrapped it in the rough haircloth and a stench came out of it like the worst stench of a corpse on the face of the earth.

Then they took it up and whenever they took it past a company of angels, they asked, “Who is this foul soul?” and the angels with the soul replied, “Sindbad the Sailor, son of Sindbad the revered Imam of Baghdad, father of Sindbad the acclaimed doctor of all the orient—” But before Sindbad’s soul could feel even a modicum of pride, the angels continued, using the worst names by which people used to call him in this world—“slave to his own desires, worshipper of the dunya, the self-indulgent Sindbad the Sailor who had forsaken his family to pursue his own selfish interests.” Upon hearing his own atrocities and misdeeds, Sindbad’s soul began weeping with guilt and regret. The angels brought him to the lowest heaven and asked for the gate to be opened for him. It did not open. As verse forty of chapter seven of the Holy Qur’an, the Divine Guidance for mankind, reads:

To those who reject Our signs and treat them with arrogance,
No opening will there be of the gates of heaven,
Nor will they enter the garden,
Until the camel can pass through the eye of the needle:
Such is Our reward for those in sin.

Continue reading The 8th Voyage of Sindbad: #4 →

The 8th Voyage of Sinbad: #3

Humor and Satire, Literature, Orientalist Art, Travel


Sinbad the Sailor by Nadir Quinto (1918-1994), an Italian artist, born in Milan

[Webshaykh’s Note: This last semester I taught an Honors Seminar on the Arabian Nights. The last assignment asked students to write the 8th voyage of Sindbad, drawing on what happened in earlier voyages. I will post several of these here for your enjoyment. This is the third one I am publishing by Peter Otis. The second is by Marissa Priest. For the first by Taryn Teurfs, click here.]


The Eighth Voyage of Sinbad: The Isle of the Lost Civilization
by Peter Otis

And Scheherazade said, it is recounted, your grace, of how Sinbad the Sailor invited the Porter back the following evening, and told the tale of his magnificent eighth voyage:

My friends, I tell you that in turbulent times, the fortunes of all men and creatures in God’s creation are scattered like sand in a torrent, and that fate holds unpredictable odds in store. Truly, as I recounted to you yesterday evening, my seventh voyage was the final of my audacious journeys on the vast and distant seas on the outer rim of the world. Of course, you know from my voyages of my immeasurable wealth. However, you know not that the vast fortunes that surround you this evening would not be, were it not for my eighth and final voyage! On my journey back to Baghdad from my seventh adventure, I was wracked with a deep sense of despair to learn in Basra that civil war had erupted between the Caliph’s two sons, whose greedy rage had resulted in the devastation of my beloved Baghdad! Surely, my friends, the destruction is all too fresh in your minds as well. I returned in horror to find Baghdad in ruin, and to little surprise my own wealth stored at my palace had been plundered amid the turmoil. What precious wealth I had brought back with me from my seventh voyage I gave to the city’s keepers to finance reconstruction and the care of invalids. Give alms according to God’s will, for truly, only God in his goodness is eternal, while the aspirations of man and his pride are reduced to dust! Heartbroken to see the object of my desire—my beloved city—ruptured in such a way, I returned to my true home the sea, and left Baghdad almost as quickly as I had returned to her. Continue reading The 8th Voyage of Sinbad: #3 →

The 8th Voyage of Sindbad: #2

Humor and Satire, Literature, Travel


Sinbad’s Seventh Voyage by Arthur Szyk

[Webshaykh’s Note: This last semester I taught an Honors Seminar on the Arabian Nights. The last assignment asked students to write the 8th voyage of Sindbad, drawing on what happened in earlier voyages. I will post several of these here for your enjoyment. This is the second one I am publishing and it is by Marissa Priest. For the first by Taryn Teurfs, click here.]

The Eighth Voyage of Sinbad
By Marissa Priest

Before all the hairs of his beard could turn white, Sinbad the Sailor longed for one last voyage. Yet after all the turmoil of his past adventures, his wife was worried for his safety. Her concern only multiplied when their young son Hamza showed the same symptoms of wanderlust. Like his father, he longed to sail the seas to gather wealth and taste adventure. Despite her pleading, the two set off to begin the eighth voyage. First, Sinbad took his son with him to the docks to gather a reliable crew. They found plenty of honest and faithful men who were eager to set out with the fabled Sinbad. After gathering enough supplies, the men sailed out with no idea where they would find themselves.

Sinbad had chosen a mighty ship, but she was not strong enough to last the force of a great sea storm. As the great waves pounded across the ship, the men were tossed back and forth. Many were thrown into the sea to perish. Provisions flew off the ship and broke apart in the ocean. Sinbad was not afraid, but clung to the mast and instructed his son to do the same. Catching some rope that flew past him, Sinbad tied himself to the mast. Before he could secure his son, the ship capsized. The dominant water swept his son away, carrying him far out of sight. Despite his cries, Sinbad was subject to the ocean’s whims as well. Still bound to the now broken mast, he bobbed across the vicious water for days until being spat out on the shore of a foreign island. After untangling himself from the wet rope and shattered wood, Sinbad rose to study his new surroundings. Continue reading The 8th Voyage of Sindbad: #2 →

The 8th Voyage of Sindbad: #1

Humor and Satire, Literature, Travel


illustration by Gustaf Tengrren

[Webshaykh’s Note: This last semester I taught an Honors Seminar on the Arabian Nights. The last assignment asked students to write the 8th voyage of Sindbad, drawing on what happened in earlier voyages. I will post several of these here for your enjoyment. The first is by Taryn Teurfs…]

The 8th Voyage of Sindbad

by Taryn Teurfs

Sindbad began to recall his eighth voyage, his most truly remarkable voyage that was kept clandestine. He began:

I was visiting the palace of King Haffwadar because he spoke of a sword he needed me to capture in turn for a great reward. The Sword of Harun al-Rashid, as legend has it, belonged to the caliph himself and possesses a mystical element: If the true descendant of Harun al-Rashid obtains that sword, with one touch the sword lights on fire and can cut through 1000 enemies with one lash. King Haffwadar had no evidence that he was a descendant of Harun al-Rashid, but one of his magicians had a vision of Haffwadar holding the sword so Haffwadar felt that fate was telling him he was its rightful owner.

The sword was located in the Isla de los Monos, comprised of apes of all different shapes and sizes, but a thousand times more powerful that the island I visited on my third voyage. The journey to this island is so dangerous King Haffwadar couldn’t risk his life to obtain the sword but knew the type of journeys I would go on to try and recover valuables or ensure the safety of a kingdom.

“Sindbad”, said King Haffwadar, “Before you go to the island you must obtain a mirrored box, an ice crystal, and the secret potion of Ashwayar. It is said in the legend you must use these items to defeat the evil jinn Shahidi who controls the island. You must seek the enchantress Ashwayar and ask her for these pieces. I am giving you this compass presented by the magician as guidance. It shall bring you to the sword in haste.” I came upon Ashwayar at the great lake. She had long beautiful black hair like the starless sky. She sat amidst a rose bush undraped, likened as the great Almighty had created her.

“Ashwayar,” I began. “I am called Sindbad. I have sailed here from afar to —“ Continue reading The 8th Voyage of Sindbad: #1 →

Letting the “ayr” out of the new French PM

Humor and Satire, Journalism and Media, Languages, Luke R. E. Publican


Jean-Marc Ayrault

The election of François Hollande as the new President of France not only has the financial markets reeling, but has also presented a problem for Arab journalists. Take, for example, the appointment of Jean-Marc Ayrault (as the French pronounce his name) as the new Prime Minister. As noted in al-Arabiya, here is the problem:

The Arab-speaking media was in a quandary after the appointment of Jean-Marc Ayrault as France’s new prime minster on Tuesday − about how to mention the head of the French government without causing offense.

Transcribed into Arabic from the French pronunciation of his name, “Ayrault” refers to the male sexual organ in several Arabic dialects.

The problem lasted for hours after French President Francois Hollande named the head of the Socialist bloc in parliament as his prime minister, with Arab journalists trying different possible pronunciations of his name.

Some newspapers referred to him as “Aro,” others prefixed his name with an “H,” while some chose to spell out the last two silent letters.

The conundrum was finally resolved by the French foreign ministry, which issued an official edict on subject permitting his name to be transcribed as written, and saving the blushes of many an Arabic editor.

I sympathize fully with Arab journalists trying to avoid any rhetorical ethical lapse. It might indeed raise the ire of Monsieur Ayrault, if he were to learn that Arabs think him a prick before he even takes on the responsibilities of his office (although perhaps this was the case for Sarkozy). Certainly Monsieur Ayrault is no airhead, nor should anyone confuse the recent French election with any kind of erectile dysfunction within the Eurozone. Monsieur Ayrault deserves a chance to enlarge his reputation without having his name sullied from the start. After he has had a chance to perform affairs of state, he can be judged during the refractory period that inevitably follows for all politicians. After all, he is only a Prime Minister and not yet an heir apparent.

Googling the End of the World

Apocalypse Watch, CyberOrient, Humor and Satire, Terrorism Issue

Here is a moral teaser: is Google good or evil? Google and its browser kindred have completely transformed the way we get information. It is the cyberspatial ouija board that few people could do without. I will be using it while writing this post, for example. Yesterday morning I was reading an article posted on the LA Times website about a new study published in Science that argues how “Thinking can undermine religious faith.” In the left margin of the webpage there are two Ads by Google. Both are prime examples of what the article is saying: that a lot of what goes by the name of religion is gut level rather than thought out.

I clicked on “The End-Time is Here” Google ad and discovered a website with a free pdf of 2008 God’s Final Witness by Ronald Weinland, who gives updates on the book in his blog. My first gut level thought was how strange it was that a book about the end of the world with the date 2008 should still be touted on a Google ad. But upon further thinking, by actually reading parts of the book, I discovered that the magic date is in fact May 27, 2008, less than three weeks from today. Here is the blurb that says it all:

The year 2008 marked the last of God’s warnings to mankind and the beginning in a countdown of the final three and one-half years of man’s self-rule that will end by May 27, 2012.

On December 14, 2008, the First Trumpet of the Seventh Seal of the Book of Revelation sounded, which announced the beginning collapse of the economy of the United States and great destruction that will follow. The next three trumpets will result in the total collapse of the United States, and once the Fifth Trumpet sounds the world will be thrust into WW III.

Silly me; the world was not supposed to end in 2008, since that was just the economic meltdown that God chose to let us all know that in a short time he would pull another Flood and this time 6 billion people would die. Bad news for Romney, I suppose, since I doubt any Mormons will be in the 144,000 elect who will then rule the earth (and unless God intervenes there will be a lot of stinking dead bodies to bury). I am not sure what or who they will rule over, since only the really good people are being saved, but then look what a terrible thing Noah’s son Ham did to his drunken, naked father. and given that curse of Ham, is it any wonder that Obama will be denied a second term? I wonder if having a socialist in the Oval Office, not to mention that God must have known that France would also just elect another socialist and the Commie Putin would sweep to victory again, was the final straw for the great God Jehovah.

Regarding this new date, pre-Mayan it would seem, both my gut and thinking part of my brain are skeptical, but it is only fair to reproduce the argument here so you as an educated reader can decide for yourself. So take a look at this:

Continue reading Googling the End of the World →

The Last American #2

Humor and Satire, Lithographs, Orientalism, Travel

There was a time when “Oriental Tales” were the rage of the age. Montesquieu penned Lettres Persanes in 1721 and Oliver Goldsmith followed up several decades later with The Citizen of the World. But I recently came across a late 19th century text about a future visit of a Persian Prince and Admiral to the ruins of a land known as Mehrica. This is The Last American and purports to be the journal of Khan-Li, a rather bizarre name for a Persian but so thoroughly Orientalist in mode. The Introduction to the text was provided in a previous post.

It is quite apt that the epigraph for the book is a dedication to “the American who is more than satisfied with himself and his country.”
Given the recent “Occupy Wall Street” interest, here is a century old look at what it might have been in ruins…
Continue reading The Last American #2 →