Category Archives: Humor and Satire

The 8th Voyage of Sindbad: #2

Humor and Satire, Literature, Travel


Sinbad’s Seventh Voyage by Arthur Szyk

[Webshaykh’s Note: This last semester I taught an Honors Seminar on the Arabian Nights. The last assignment asked students to write the 8th voyage of Sindbad, drawing on what happened in earlier voyages. I will post several of these here for your enjoyment. This is the second one I am publishing and it is by Marissa Priest. For the first by Taryn Teurfs, click here.]

The Eighth Voyage of Sinbad
By Marissa Priest

Before all the hairs of his beard could turn white, Sinbad the Sailor longed for one last voyage. Yet after all the turmoil of his past adventures, his wife was worried for his safety. Her concern only multiplied when their young son Hamza showed the same symptoms of wanderlust. Like his father, he longed to sail the seas to gather wealth and taste adventure. Despite her pleading, the two set off to begin the eighth voyage. First, Sinbad took his son with him to the docks to gather a reliable crew. They found plenty of honest and faithful men who were eager to set out with the fabled Sinbad. After gathering enough supplies, the men sailed out with no idea where they would find themselves.

Sinbad had chosen a mighty ship, but she was not strong enough to last the force of a great sea storm. As the great waves pounded across the ship, the men were tossed back and forth. Many were thrown into the sea to perish. Provisions flew off the ship and broke apart in the ocean. Sinbad was not afraid, but clung to the mast and instructed his son to do the same. Catching some rope that flew past him, Sinbad tied himself to the mast. Before he could secure his son, the ship capsized. The dominant water swept his son away, carrying him far out of sight. Despite his cries, Sinbad was subject to the ocean’s whims as well. Still bound to the now broken mast, he bobbed across the vicious water for days until being spat out on the shore of a foreign island. After untangling himself from the wet rope and shattered wood, Sinbad rose to study his new surroundings. Continue reading The 8th Voyage of Sindbad: #2 →

The 8th Voyage of Sindbad: #1

Humor and Satire, Literature, Travel


illustration by Gustaf Tengrren

[Webshaykh’s Note: This last semester I taught an Honors Seminar on the Arabian Nights. The last assignment asked students to write the 8th voyage of Sindbad, drawing on what happened in earlier voyages. I will post several of these here for your enjoyment. The first is by Taryn Teurfs…]

The 8th Voyage of Sindbad

by Taryn Teurfs

Sindbad began to recall his eighth voyage, his most truly remarkable voyage that was kept clandestine. He began:

I was visiting the palace of King Haffwadar because he spoke of a sword he needed me to capture in turn for a great reward. The Sword of Harun al-Rashid, as legend has it, belonged to the caliph himself and possesses a mystical element: If the true descendant of Harun al-Rashid obtains that sword, with one touch the sword lights on fire and can cut through 1000 enemies with one lash. King Haffwadar had no evidence that he was a descendant of Harun al-Rashid, but one of his magicians had a vision of Haffwadar holding the sword so Haffwadar felt that fate was telling him he was its rightful owner.

The sword was located in the Isla de los Monos, comprised of apes of all different shapes and sizes, but a thousand times more powerful that the island I visited on my third voyage. The journey to this island is so dangerous King Haffwadar couldn’t risk his life to obtain the sword but knew the type of journeys I would go on to try and recover valuables or ensure the safety of a kingdom.

“Sindbad”, said King Haffwadar, “Before you go to the island you must obtain a mirrored box, an ice crystal, and the secret potion of Ashwayar. It is said in the legend you must use these items to defeat the evil jinn Shahidi who controls the island. You must seek the enchantress Ashwayar and ask her for these pieces. I am giving you this compass presented by the magician as guidance. It shall bring you to the sword in haste.” I came upon Ashwayar at the great lake. She had long beautiful black hair like the starless sky. She sat amidst a rose bush undraped, likened as the great Almighty had created her.

“Ashwayar,” I began. “I am called Sindbad. I have sailed here from afar to —“ Continue reading The 8th Voyage of Sindbad: #1 →

Letting the “ayr” out of the new French PM

Humor and Satire, Journalism and Media, Languages, Luke R. E. Publican


Jean-Marc Ayrault

The election of François Hollande as the new President of France not only has the financial markets reeling, but has also presented a problem for Arab journalists. Take, for example, the appointment of Jean-Marc Ayrault (as the French pronounce his name) as the new Prime Minister. As noted in al-Arabiya, here is the problem:

The Arab-speaking media was in a quandary after the appointment of Jean-Marc Ayrault as France’s new prime minster on Tuesday − about how to mention the head of the French government without causing offense.

Transcribed into Arabic from the French pronunciation of his name, “Ayrault” refers to the male sexual organ in several Arabic dialects.

The problem lasted for hours after French President Francois Hollande named the head of the Socialist bloc in parliament as his prime minister, with Arab journalists trying different possible pronunciations of his name.

Some newspapers referred to him as “Aro,” others prefixed his name with an “H,” while some chose to spell out the last two silent letters.

The conundrum was finally resolved by the French foreign ministry, which issued an official edict on subject permitting his name to be transcribed as written, and saving the blushes of many an Arabic editor.

I sympathize fully with Arab journalists trying to avoid any rhetorical ethical lapse. It might indeed raise the ire of Monsieur Ayrault, if he were to learn that Arabs think him a prick before he even takes on the responsibilities of his office (although perhaps this was the case for Sarkozy). Certainly Monsieur Ayrault is no airhead, nor should anyone confuse the recent French election with any kind of erectile dysfunction within the Eurozone. Monsieur Ayrault deserves a chance to enlarge his reputation without having his name sullied from the start. After he has had a chance to perform affairs of state, he can be judged during the refractory period that inevitably follows for all politicians. After all, he is only a Prime Minister and not yet an heir apparent.

Googling the End of the World

Apocalypse Watch, CyberOrient, Humor and Satire, Terrorism Issue

Here is a moral teaser: is Google good or evil? Google and its browser kindred have completely transformed the way we get information. It is the cyberspatial ouija board that few people could do without. I will be using it while writing this post, for example. Yesterday morning I was reading an article posted on the LA Times website about a new study published in Science that argues how “Thinking can undermine religious faith.” In the left margin of the webpage there are two Ads by Google. Both are prime examples of what the article is saying: that a lot of what goes by the name of religion is gut level rather than thought out.

I clicked on “The End-Time is Here” Google ad and discovered a website with a free pdf of 2008 God’s Final Witness by Ronald Weinland, who gives updates on the book in his blog. My first gut level thought was how strange it was that a book about the end of the world with the date 2008 should still be touted on a Google ad. But upon further thinking, by actually reading parts of the book, I discovered that the magic date is in fact May 27, 2008, less than three weeks from today. Here is the blurb that says it all:

The year 2008 marked the last of God’s warnings to mankind and the beginning in a countdown of the final three and one-half years of man’s self-rule that will end by May 27, 2012.

On December 14, 2008, the First Trumpet of the Seventh Seal of the Book of Revelation sounded, which announced the beginning collapse of the economy of the United States and great destruction that will follow. The next three trumpets will result in the total collapse of the United States, and once the Fifth Trumpet sounds the world will be thrust into WW III.

Silly me; the world was not supposed to end in 2008, since that was just the economic meltdown that God chose to let us all know that in a short time he would pull another Flood and this time 6 billion people would die. Bad news for Romney, I suppose, since I doubt any Mormons will be in the 144,000 elect who will then rule the earth (and unless God intervenes there will be a lot of stinking dead bodies to bury). I am not sure what or who they will rule over, since only the really good people are being saved, but then look what a terrible thing Noah’s son Ham did to his drunken, naked father. and given that curse of Ham, is it any wonder that Obama will be denied a second term? I wonder if having a socialist in the Oval Office, not to mention that God must have known that France would also just elect another socialist and the Commie Putin would sweep to victory again, was the final straw for the great God Jehovah.

Regarding this new date, pre-Mayan it would seem, both my gut and thinking part of my brain are skeptical, but it is only fair to reproduce the argument here so you as an educated reader can decide for yourself. So take a look at this:

Continue reading Googling the End of the World →

The Last American #2

Humor and Satire, Lithographs, Orientalism, Travel

There was a time when “Oriental Tales” were the rage of the age. Montesquieu penned Lettres Persanes in 1721 and Oliver Goldsmith followed up several decades later with The Citizen of the World. But I recently came across a late 19th century text about a future visit of a Persian Prince and Admiral to the ruins of a land known as Mehrica. This is The Last American and purports to be the journal of Khan-Li, a rather bizarre name for a Persian but so thoroughly Orientalist in mode. The Introduction to the text was provided in a previous post.

It is quite apt that the epigraph for the book is a dedication to “the American who is more than satisfied with himself and his country.”
Given the recent “Occupy Wall Street” interest, here is a century old look at what it might have been in ruins…
Continue reading The Last American #2 →

The Last American #1

Books You Should Read, Humor and Satire, Lithographs, Orientalism, Travel

There was a time when “Oriental Tales” were the rage of the age. Montesquieu penned Lettres Persanes in 1721 and Oliver Goldsmith followed up several decades later with The Citizen of the World. But I recently came across a late 19th century text about a future visit of a Persian Prince and Admiral to the ruins of a land known as Mehrica. This is The Last American and purports to be the journal of Khan-Li, a rather bizarre name for a Persian but so thoroughly Orientalist in mode. The admiral visits America in 1990 ( a century after the book was written), when American is in ruins, following the massacre of the Protestants in 1907 and the overthrow of the Murfey dynasty in 1930. But let the introduction to the text set up the marvels…

Continue reading The Last American #1 →

Confessions of a Would be Muslim Reformer (sort of)

Arab-Israeli Conflict, Gender and Sexuality, Humor and Satire, Islam and Christianity, Islam in America, Islamophobia, Wahhabi


by Omid Safi, Religious News Service, April 1, 2012

I have been doing a lot of soul-searching, and I have reached a few important conclusions. Speaking as a moderate Muslim, I realize that my community is primitive, backwards, mired in tradition, and in need of massive help from KONY 2012 people to reform this tradition to catch up with the luminosity of secular West.

I know that there is a trouble with Islam today, and everyday. I also want to have gay-friendly mosques where people can just go have a beer after the optional prayer services, ‘cause that is what it means to be a progressive Muslim.

Because all the secret jihadists (and the FBI people who have infiltrated them) just want to impose this Shari’a thing on us, and for some reason all that beer drinking and hooking up seems to be frowned upon in that Shari’a thing.

With that, and in the name of She who is the source of All-Mercy, here are the fruits of my search. If anyone wants to put me in touch with Fox News or MEMRI, please do so, I’ll recite all these on camera—just contact my agent, and he can tell you my appearance fee. I know that we are in need of a Muslim Reformation, and I am working on my “Martin Luther of Islam” speech. I can’t quite make it up to ML’s 95 theses, but I have got a good head start below. With that, “I give you permission to think freely”:

First, speaking as a Muslim, I am so disappointed in my Muslim brother Barack Hussein Obama. He eats pork, drinks alcohol, regularly attends church service, had his daughters baptized, has yet to set foot in a mosque since becoming president, kisses AIPAC’s behind, authorizes indefinite detentions, and has seen many Muslims killed by his drone attacks and ongoing wars. Really, a pathetic Muslim if ever there was one. I mean, if I wanted a Muslim ruler that would do all the above, I would move back to the Muslim countries where most of the rulers do that kind of stuff anyway, and the food is a little better than here. Continue reading Confessions of a Would be Muslim Reformer (sort of) →