by ARSALAN IFTIKHAR
Published in Islamica Magazine, September 2007

For seven of my twenty-nine years, my existence as an American Muslim public diplomat and human rights lawyer has revolved around being an honest public voice to the masses since the tragedy of 9/11. From high-level political delegations to regular TV appearances as the ‘Muslim Guy’ on international media (either condemning terrorism or swashbuckling notorious Islamophobes who demonize Muslims); a simple Google or YouTube search will have my record speak for itself.

I have condemned terrorist knuckleheads like Osama bin Laden & Company. Notwithstanding the categorical prohibition of suicide and civilian attacks in Islam, these murderous knuckleheads have done nothing but add madness to already existing madness in our world. From Bali to Madrid to London, my seething disgust increases exponentially each time their irreligious attacks occur. When a 9-year old child (anywhere in the world) is considered to be a ‘legitimate target’, you know that these maniacs have lost their bloody minds committing ungodly acts of mass murder.

I have condemned political knuckleheads like our own 43rd president, George W. Bush. From a disastrous war in Iraq to a lawless enclave in Guantanamo Bay; from despicably torturous acts at Abu Ghraib to knucklehead references of a ‘Crusade’; his dismally-low current public approval rating of only 29% clearly shows that 71% of my fellow Americans agree that our president is a political knucklehead.

I have condemned the knuckleheads of Hamas for targeting innocent civilians and not laying down their arms (a la The Irish Republican Army) to highlight the moral impurity of Israel’s occupation. Instead, their own moral impurity is transparent as we sadly watch these knuckleheads and the crooks of Fatah resorting to bloody fratricide where each throw another off high-rise buildings causing bloody mayhem on the streets of Gaza, whilst their poor women and children go hungry.

Furthermore, targeting a 9 year-old child in a Sbarro pizzeria is always wrong, period. Two wrongs do not make a right.

I have condemned the knuckleheads of Israel’s government. Like our own American right-wing, the Likudnik extremists have completely monopolized the sociopolitical discourse from the majority of peace-loving Israelis. Even American conservative grand-daddy Robert Novak recently echoed Nelson Mandela’s sentiment by calling the situation ‘worse than apartheid’ in The Washington Post. I doubt that anyone would dare call Robert Novak an ‘Anti-Semite’ or that Nelson Mandela lacks moral authority to designate anything as ‘apartheid’; especially since his 27-year imprisonment effectively introduced the term to our human collective.

Furthermore, carpet-bombing a refugee camp haystack full of 9 year-old children in the search of one needle is always wrong, period. Two wrongs do not make a right.

Regardless of the finger-pointing, it is now clear that both the chicken and the egg have gone mad.

I also completely and categorically condemn Islamophobia, Anti-Semitism and any/all other forms of racial and religious intolerance in existence today. All racism is wrong, period.

Of the 6.3 billion humans on earth, it is objectively safe to say that the vast majority of us prefer peace to war. Following suit, this would necessarily (and mathematically) make the warmongering knucklehead dinosaurs in the infinitesimal minority of the world’s population. Therefore, it should be called ‘The Clash of Knuckleheads Theory’.

Whether they call me an Islamic Liberal or Muslim Pacifist, I will still be called a ‘terrorist’ by knucklehead racists because of my unabashed love of Islam. Additionally, I will still be called a Muslim ‘hippy’ by knucklehead extremists for my unabashed platform of peace. Since Islam means ‘peace’ anyway, I’ll wear the ‘Islamic Peacenik’ label as a badge of honor.

With such seething hatred in the world today, all that anyone can condemn me for is my seething love.

With that, I unsheathe my mighty pen to challenge every bomb and sword; continuing to wonder if God will ever forgive us for what we have done to each other.

[ARSALAN IFTIKHAR is Contributing Editor for Islamica magazine. Until 2007, he served as the first-ever National Legal Director for the Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR) in Washington, D.C.]