Saudi clerics issuing fatwas do for Islam what West Virginia snake handlers do for Christianity. Not long ago, Sheikh Abdel Mohsen Obeikan, a regular at the Saudi Arabian royal court, suggested that women give men they work with breast milk to establish maternal relations and thus avoid the kingdom's ban on mixing between men and women who are unrelated. To his credit, he argued that the man should not take the milk directly from the nipple, but should still get a glass and drink it down. This was not an original ruling, having been pre-empted by an Egyptian named Izzat Atiya at al-Azhar. Atiya, in a far more liberal stance, suggested a man take the milk directly from a woman’s breast at least five times, thus establishing a family connection. Why once would not be enough remains a mystery, but at least it would allow the man to keep count on one hand. Needless to say, these nipple tenders sent ripples through the religious establishment in both countries. It would seem that men do not actually have to be babies to act like them.

The idea that women who are covered head to foot should somehow open a fold in their blanket-like cloak and offer a nipple to male colleagues is rather bizarre. Who would have thought that “Sex and the City” could include Cairo or Mecca as well? But now there is a new twist right out of the Lysistrata playbook. Well not quite. Instead of withholding sex, which would really drive the men insane, Saudi women are threatening to breastfeed their foreign drivers unless they are allowed to drive cars themselves. Here is the plot, as it unfolds:

“Is this is all that is left to us to do: to give our breasts to the foreign drivers?” a Saudi woman named Fatima Shammary was quoted as saying by Gulf News.

Obeikan argued in his decree that if the women give their drivers their breast milk, the chauffeurs would be able to mingle with all members of the family without having to worry about violating Islamic law. Some Islamic scholars frown on the mixing of unmarried men and women. Islamic tradition, or hadith, stipulates that breastfeeding establishes a maternal bond, even if a woman breastfeeds a child who is not her own.

Drawing from the cleric’s advocacy, the women have reportedly chosen a slogan for their campaign that translates to, “We either be allowed to drive or breastfeed foreigners.”

The current driving ban applies to all women in Saudi Arabia, regardless of their nationality, and it’s been a topic of heated public debate in recent years. The ban on driving was unofficial at first but was introduced as official legislation after 47 Saudi women drove cars through the streets of the Saudi capital, Riyadh, in 1990 in an attempt to challenge authorities.

The incident brought harsh consequences for the women, who were jailed for a day and had their passports confiscated. Many of them were said to have been forced to leave their jobs after the driving protest.

Still, every now and then, reports of Saudi women driving in defiance of the ban emerge in the media.

Two years ago, 125 women in Saudi Arabia signed a petition that called on the Saudi interior minister to lift the ban.

One of the Saudi female signatories, Wajeha Huwaider, posted a video of herself driving on YouTube in a direct appeal to the Saudi authorities to allow women to drive.

“For women to drive is not a political issue,” Wajeha said as she sat behind the wheel. “It is not a religious issue. It is a social issue, and we know that many women of our society are capable of driving cars. We also know that many families will allow their women to drive.”

So what will the royal family do now? They could call the women’s bluff, surely a move that the foreign drivers would applaud. It is not clear how many women are willing to actually go through with the threat. Nor can one fathom why such a ban on female drivers continues. The Saudi wealth has allowed segregation to continue unabated, but times have changed and women are not simply bearers of children, cooks and house cleaners, especially in Saudi Arabia. Give a woman a Ph.D. and a cell phone, but do not let her drive a car; there seems to be something missing here.

I have a better suggestion, since I doubt the Saudi leaders take the breast threat very seriously. Why not follow the example of Lady Godiva? Throw off the black curtain and sit back in the Mercedes totally in the raw. Instead of milk, which is best reserved for real babies, give the drivers an eyefull. And why not parade naked through the malls? After all, the Qur’an specifically warns Muslim men to avert their eyes if they see a woman unclad. This would really drive men crazy, and that is what men want from women anyway. One hardly needs a fatwa to figure that out.

Daniel Martin Varisco